(For the first part click HERE)
I didn't know what to do. And when I don't know what to do, I write it out. So I typed out how confused I was and linked to the article and posted it on my blog (you may read it here). I got some comments from Facebook friends who saw it and got some encouragement. I felt a bit better but was not convinced. I then got a message from a couple that I went on a youth retreat with. They wanted to get together with me for coffee with me and talk about this whole thing. I was honored and accepted quickly.
This couple were two of the kindest people I had met. I had spent a bit of time with them in the summer helping out with a church kid's program. They had even told me that if they had a child they would want her to be like me. When they said that I began to cry because I was so moved. I told them things that I had never told anyone else. They were role models for me in everything they did.
We went out for coffee and had a great discussion about women in ministry in which they offered their own views and then advised me to investigate further. Then, I don't know what led me to do do this - I asked them if they knew any opportunities to serve in the community. I missed volunteering. It was one of the big things I missed about church. Their eyes lit up and she said that she had been praying for someone she could mentor in ministry. That is a God-thing.
Another God-thing that happened as I was talking to them that night was that they gave me a website where I could find some podcasts on women in leadership. I discovered that this site had many different topics and began listening closely to them. The website was The Meeting House and it was there I found something I was missing from my life.
All my life, I had read the Old Testament. I would read a bit of the New Testament but mainly for Revelation and maybe a parable or two. I knew all the stories of Jesus' life. I could recite you His entire life story if the need ever arose. But, I never identified with Jesus. I never even prayed to Jesus.
As I listened to these podcasts, I was introduced to a different type of Jesus. This Jesus was an amazing teacher of great understanding, a man who always asked questions, rebelled against the government and religion yet desired peace above all, a person who loved the weak and unloved, and who died for the whole of humanity.
This was incredible. How had I missed the main focus of the Bible even though I had read it ever since I was a kid? I had missed out on the beauty and power that is in Jesus Christ. My favorite hero had come down in human form and I skipped Him! It still blows my mind.
I also began working at the church and learning about all the stuff that happens behind the scenes. There is a major amount of work that happens in the time between Sundays. It is always interesting to learn the different leadership styles and different types of work.
When I go to church, I feel at home. I feel that at this point in time - I belong in this place. I fit in. I am understood. I have responsibilites that I need to do. I am home.
So this is where my journey has led me to right now. I'm investigating this new Jesus Christ and reading many different books trying to build my personal theology. I'm working in my church and building a community of people that I love and that love me.
I know that the future will be challenging and I'll have to step out of the comfort zone I have made for myself. But for right now I need to strengthen my faith and continue learning. I am still not complete and I never will be. But I'm going to aim for what I can see and hope it gets close enough.
And that is my journey.
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