Rambling and Ranting

I'm sitting in a squeaky computer chair, staring out the window at the blue sky, and listening to a genius song by The Rocket Summer. Seriously all their songs are genius. It's in the middle of summer and it's one of those days that you don't know what day it is and you've slept in until you couldn't possibly sleep anymore. For some that's a beautiful day. However, I've never liked those days.
My favorite day this month was spending 14 hours at the church volunteering. I've never been a normal child. I seem to always have more questions than I have answers and the answers I do have I doubt their validity. I love to read but I read too fast and then I have read all of my books. I don't like money that much - I like to have a twenty on hand for emergencies but I'd rather live simply. I don't need a lot of stuff to get by. I live in the past more than the present. I don't need a boyfriend and if I get married in later life that's cool and if not, well, that's cool too.
I'm awkward socially - until there's music and then I jump out of my shell. If I've only met you once I can guarantee I have forgotten your name but I will stare at you until I remember. I'm not that funny because I stumble and stutter through a joke, but of course, there are people who do get my jokes and I am thankful for them. If you give me a chance as a friend I'm extremely loyal. It doesn't matter if you murder someone - I'll still be your friend. I can also get very annoying that way, trust me.
If I have a problem I go to God first and then a mentor/family. Talking it out to God helps me to see the problem objectively - and then I can solve it. I like to journal - I've kept one since I was 12. I was a bratty kid. I was homeschooled all my life until this year. And as an explanation of what homeschool is like - or at least my experience - it's like having 4 hours of homework every day and that's it. Pretty basic.
I love music and it makes me understand life just a little more clearly. I have songs for each of my moods. Adolescence seems to make your life not just mood swings but mood slides, mood merry-go-rounds, and mood teeter-totters. It's basically a theme park ON a roller coaster. I wonder if adults remember that. It might be repressed in their memory, and then they say "I wish I could go back to when I was a teenager, those were the good times." To these people I say "Be. My. Guest." Adolescence is extraordinarily tough because you are told you have to find out who you are, what you believe, and what you will do for the rest of your life. If you have the answers to all these questions, then I believe you are lying. I found out that people are hunting for the answers to these questions all their life - and the answers are always changing. Adolescence is a physical battle too; your body is morphing like something from a sci-fi movie. I woke up one day and looked in the mirror and wondered "Did my face change shape overnight?" And of course you also have hormonal imbalances that I'm not even going to TALK about. Oh yeah, these are the good days.
I apologize for the lovely paragraph-long rant. This is bar none the oddest (and longest) blog I've ever written. In the words of one of my favorite The Rocket Summer songs: "Please don't hate, hate, hate me." :)