Regeneration

I absolutely love the show Doctor Who. It’s this amazing show that defies all attempts of genre and is just so ridiculously awesome it blows my mind. But most importantly, it has David Tennant. Whom I freakin’ adore. He plays the Doctor who is, to put it very simply, a time-and-space-traveller.

There is this one point in the show where David Tennant first appears and he’s a regeneration of the Doctor before him.  This means that because he is a completely new person he has to figure out who he is. At one point, the alien leader demands to know who the Doctor is.  And he replies:

“I don't know! See that's the thing. I'm the Doctor. But beyond that I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed, left-handed? A gambler, a fighter, a coward, a traitor, a liar, a nervous wreck? I mean judging by the evidence I've certainly got a gob.”

As hilarious as this scene is, it always makes me stop for a second. It’s a very true statement. And especially now that I’m in college, it makes more sense than ever. I’m learning tons about myself here. Not only am I completely independent, it’s also a totally different environment and sub-culture than I’m used to. I no longer have my friends and family to rely on for social cues.

It’s all untested.

I have no idea how I’ll react to different circumstances. I’ve already surprised myself by my own actions. Such as publically ranting about something or performing at an improv night. It’s a curious thing to be surprised by your own actions but it’s also really exciting.

I think that God has given us an extraordinary gift. He’s given us ourselves. We get to investigate our personalities, strengths, and challenges. Understanding ourselves and how we function is something fascinating to learn about. And it always changes. 60-year-old Laura is going to be way different than 19-year-old Laura. I’m constantly going to be learning about myself throughout my life.

This sounds incredibly narcissistic, so let me put it this way. It’s as though your mom gave you a leaf-blower and told you to do some work around the yard. You are going to need to learn how to use the leaf-blower before you can complete the job. When you take the time to understand the tool then you can understand the task. The more that you know of yourself, the better you understand your strengths, the better you understand your strengths, the better a job you can do for God.

I am not advocating a lifetime in a monastery trying to figure out who you are. I would say that the best ways to figure out who you are living with God (who knows who the best version of you is), living in community (who can show you how to be the best version of you), and in reflection (finding what the best version of you means for your life). 

Right now, I am trying very hard to live this way. I do want to become a better version of myself and while it can be very difficult to figure out who I am, I'm excited to find out who God made me to be and how I can use it to do something for Him. 

But at this point in time, I'm going to go watch some Doctor Who ;)